Some phrases from books that I've recently heard/read attracted my attention, not least because some authors repeatedly used them. None of these phrases were in a character's voice. In some (but not all) instances I think the redundant words are helpful.
- Tears welled up in her eyes - Where else could they well? Isn't "Tears welled up" enough?
- She let out an audible sigh - Or "She sighed", because all sighs are audible?
- There was nothing there - Or "Nothing was there"?
- Outside, the wind was rapping on the window panes - We know the wind isn't inside, but beginning with "Outside" effectively shifts readers' attention.
- She had a fiercely stubborn look on her face - Or "She looked fiercely stubborn" though I suppose you could have a look elsewhere than on the face. All the same, it sounds more "tell" than "show".
- He nodded to himself - The person in question was talking to someone and had just come to a conclusion about something - i.e. the nod wasn't a communication. But the expression sounds strange.
- He thought to himself - Who else could he think to?
No comments:
Post a Comment