Friday, 23 September 2022

Sloppy writing?

Some phrases from books that I've recently heard/read attracted my attention, not least because some authors repeatedly used them. None of these phrases were in a character's voice. In some (but not all) instances I think the redundant words are helpful.

  • Tears welled up in her eyes - Where else could they well? Isn't "Tears welled up" enough?
  • She let out an audible sigh - Or "She sighed", because all sighs are audible?
  • There was nothing there - Or "Nothing was there"?
  • Outside, the wind was rapping on the window panes - We know the wind isn't inside, but beginning with "Outside" effectively shifts readers' attention.
  • She had a fiercely stubborn look on her face - Or "She looked fiercely stubborn" though I suppose you could have a look elsewhere than on the face. All the same, it sounds more "tell" than "show".
  • He nodded to himself - The person in question was talking to someone and had just come to a conclusion about something - i.e. the nod wasn't a communication. But the expression sounds strange.
  • He thought to himself - Who else could he think to?

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